Whenever I dine out at a restaurant – which is usually three meals a day when I’m on the road - I regularly ask the wait staff their name. I may be considered peculiar with this practice but I like to personalize my dining experience and familiarize myself with the stranger servicing my gastronomic needs. And since I know that everyone loves the sound of their own name, I take advantage of the power to make them feel important.
The name game provides me the opportunity to instigate conversation, not only about menu suggestions and food preparations, but about the server’s history and hopes – especially in Hollywood. In that crazy city I do more than just get their names.
By the way, if you complain of being bad with names, you’re not alone. That’s mostly because you really don’t care. That’s right. The trouble doesn’t lie with your memory; it rests with your desire. You can memorize anyone’s name if you really wanted to.
If you disagree with me, imagine this scenario. A stranger serves you the promise of eliminating your mortgage if you remember their name an hour later. I guarantee that you would tattoo that name in capital letters on your gray matter. But since the person serving you a house salad will unlikely pay off your house, the importance of their name immediately falls far behind your desire to demand the dressing be served on the side.
By the way, if you actually have the determination to listen attentively but still remain a sieve with names, then play my name game for a little help. I shared it in my book Lead or get Off the Pot!
“First, upon being introduced, make friendly and focused eye contact with the person. Maintain good posture and positive body language, and approach them as the introduction is being made. Then, when their name is stated (by themselves or by a third party), clearly and cheerfully repeat their name out loud. Shake their hand if it is appropriate, and maintain eye contact as you repeat their name quietly in your mind.
Then, as you are repeating their name, spell their name in your mind. And as you’re spelling their name, see it as it is spelled out. Say their name quietly one more time, and you’ve completed the mental spelling bee. By keeping firm and friendly eye contact throughout this process, and by linking their name to a special feature on their face, you will have consciously committed their name to your memory.
To bolster this accomplishment—and also to make the person feel special during your conversation—say their name once or twice as you’re speaking to them. And, of course, be sure to wish them a personal good-bye.”
The name game is much easier than it sounds and it can become a helpful habit with practice. So practice on your server the next time you’re eating out.
As I mentioned in last week’s blog I recently returned from a week in Hollywood. So dining out was a given. And whenever I’m eating out in the city of movie stars and outrageous cars, I always follow up my “What’s your name?” query with “Are you an actor?” It’s truly amazing the talent waiting tables - actors, singers, songwriters, scriptwriters, stuntmen, musicians, etc. In Philly a waiter or waitress is exactly that - not in the entertainment capital of the world.
One evening I was accompanied by movie director Tim Chambers and the CEO of Merv Griffin Enterprises, Roy Bank, for a dynamite dinner at Mastro’s Steakhouse in Beverly Hills. It’s one of my favorite haunts. Not only do I enjoy the delicious drinks conjured up by the gorgeous bartender, Anna, at the entrance bar and salivate over the sizzling steaks delivered on 1000-degree plates, but I can always count on my server being a person with a dream.
So our pretty, petite waitress Nahal answered “yes” to my follow up question. She was an actress. Immediately, I kicked my interview persona into another gear and pointed at Tim and Roy and informed her that this guy makes movies and that guy creates TV shows. She just smiled her perfectly aligned chicklets and gazed over my dinner mates.
That’s when I ask her, “So what is it that would make you memorable in these guys’ minds?”
“I also sing opera,” she replies with another 100-watt smile.
Oh boy, here we go. This should be fun.
“Let us here something,” I ask.
“No, I can’t do it right here in the middle of the restaurant. Even though I’m small I have a really strong voice,” she replied.
Now all three of us began working her over – and not too quietly I might add.
Suddenly, it was as if someone jacked up the volume on an IPod and our ears were instantly filled with the glorious sound of Pavarotti. It was incredible. After a few bars she closed her mouth and smiled – leaving ours wide open.
Roy, Tim, and I holding Merv Griffin’s Emmy Awards.
I make myself comfortable at Merv’s personal desk!
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, April 8th, 2008 at 3:09 pm by Pat Croce
Leave a Reply
May 4th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Pat,
Great Post!
Question- one of your secrets to success seems to be your ability to find common ground with people, but how do you do it? How are you able to go up to anyone (rich, poor, old, young) and start conversations that impacts them and you? I think this goes beyond the name game.
Joe from Jersey