Eye on Entrepreneur > Ladder of Flattery

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The following is a great mnemonic device that I call the “ladder of flattery.” It’s an easy six-rung process that’s quite effective in making you a better listener. Just imagine the word ladder (LADDER) in your mind and each letter of ladder initiates a strategy.

L — Look at the person speaking to you. Maintain good eye contact and read their facial expressions and body language.

A — Ask questions. Reinforce what you’re hearing by asking related questions. Most problems in life usually begin when someone misunderstands a direction, or misreads an order, or makes an assumption rather than asking a simple question. And as I mentioned you can ask a question in your dialogue to elicit an emotional word picture.

D — Don’t interrupt. I know this is difficult for most people. Demonstrate respect and let the speaker finish her thought. I know it’s hard at times, but bite your tongue!

D — Don’t change the subject. Keep the focus on your subject and the subject of the conversation. Remember, success comes from staying focused.

E — Empathize. Put yourself in their shoes and feel what they’re feeling. The simplest trick to becoming a good listener has nothing to do with your ears or your eyes or your brain; it has to do with your heart – you have to actually care about what others are saying.

R — Respond, both verbally and non-verbally. When it’s your turn to speak, remember the 93% rule and the 5 “C’s” of Communication for your words to have maximum impact.

The ladder of flattery sounds simple. It is simple. And it’s extremely effective. Just remember there are two “Ds” in ladder! Don’t interrupt and don’t change the subject. In fact, let’s review the entire ladder one more time. Look at the person. Ask questions. Don’t interrupt. Don’t change the subject. Empathize. And respond.

You might be wondering why I call it the ladder of flattery. Here’s why. It’s because when you use these six simple steps in any conversation, the person with whom you’re speaking feels flattered by your investment of time and your attention to their issues and concerns. You make them feel valued, appreciated, and important. It really works.

Throughout my professional career, I’ve had numerous high-profile jobs that required good interviewing skills. And no strategy has helped me become a better interviewer than the ladder of flattery. I’ve been a commentator for the Summer Olympic Games and the NBA on NBC studio show. I hosted a sports medicine radio show for four years and the syndicated television show Pat Croce: Moving In. I guest-hosted the Best Damn Sports Show on Fox. And I was a panel judge on ABC’s American Inventor. And I’ve never failed to engage the interviewee and generate good dialogue and dig out useful information. You know why? Because I respect the other person, I’m curious about their thoughts, and I’ve prepared for the interview, not the least of which is by spelling “ladder” in my mind immediately before doing the interview. -- PC