| To be an effective negotiator requires good communication skills - with an increased emphasis on the listening portion. You must also adhere to the proactive strategies discussed under Negotiate for Success. And you should always avoid using phrases that dilute your credibility, your integrity or your intent to create a climate conducive to compromise.
The following are “non-negotiable” phrases that should be off-limits at any negotiation table:
1. “Take it or leave it.” I understand and appreciate being frustrated in a negotiation; I’ve been there numerous times. But if you are in the process of making a final offer, you can politely communicate your last offering without creating a sense of ill will. Ideally, both parties should leave the table with a feeling of compromise and celebration. The take-it-or-leave-it phrase removes the win-win scenario and creates a situation where one party is perceived as the loser. And chances are greater that if your final offer was going to be accepted, upon hearing your ultimatum, the other party will “leave it.”
2. “Let me be honest with you.” If you use this nonsense phrase – consciously or subconsciously - during the process of a negotiation, your credibility will take a massive hit. I, for one, am hoping that the opposing party will be honest and forthright throughout the negotiation but I’m also fully aware that many negotiations include a discount factor where people fudge the facts and exaggerate their positions. So when you forewarn the table publicly about your honesty it infers that you are hiding something. Anytime I hear this phrase my next remark is: What, have you been lying to me?
3. “That’s not what you said.” The most effective way to demonstrate to the opposing party that they’re fibbing or forgetting without blatantly calling them a liar is to resurrect their own words. Make sure you document all mental notes, details and outcomes immediately following every conversation, and then follow-up with a written detailed summary via email to the other party. Take control and quarterback the deal to completion. If there’s another round scheduled in the negotiation, you can thoroughly review your notes as a warm-up prior to the meeting and maintain your momentum.
4. “Trust me.” I heard an off-color joke many years ago that always comes to mind when someone says “trust me.” How does a lawyer say “f#!# you? Trust me. I still laugh aloud when I hear a person say “trust me.” I consciously think of the other two not-so-nice words. Everyone at a negotiation table assumes there’s a level of trust and integrity behind their dialogue; regardless, no one with any business sense would do a deal with anyone without every agreed-upon detail memorialized into a term sheet and contract. And I urge you to do the same. Don’t trust anyone who says “trust me” until your lawyer ensures all of their trust has the “I’s” dotted and the “T’s” crossed. And if you ever have the urge to say trust me, I suggest you walk it instead of talk it. -- PC
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